As part the maturing process, I’ve begun the journey from angry young punk, frustrated with the stupidity of the human race, to the more tolerant and hopefully partially wise old man, frustrated with the stupidity of the human race. All this really means is that my rants are tending to shift from the angry to the amused. Human beings are never going to stop being stupid, evolution is clearly working with us on this, so we each do our own little bit, then move on. So here’s my little bit, before I move on… on Telstra and Krispy Kreme. 🙂

I’ve spoken before about the intelligence behind bringing Krispy Kreme to our (now becoming less than) fine country, and how they blur the lines between fundraising and charity, especially through our schools. If you were in Sydney these past six months, you’d think that Krispy Kreme invented the doughnut, and were the first to bake them in Australia, which goes nicely with the myth that kangaroos regularly hop down George St. in the middle of Sydney’s CBD.

Here’s a great example from early 2004 of how they enter new markets. Strangely titled NEWINGTON — The illuminated red, neon light outside a Krispy Kreme can only mean one thing: There are freshly made, hot doughnuts in the store, you’d be excused for thinking this newspaper article was in fact an advertisement.

Telstra of course, I’ve spoken about before, with their Sensis search engine, and the Twelve Days of Telstra it took to transfer my ADSL connection.

So imagine my delight when I started hearing about the decline and fall of Krispy Kreme. Krispy Kreme crisis increases losses is probably the most appropriate reporting of the story, from a baking industry rag, but if you want some rather amusing headlines, you can’t go past Google News for 1570 negative news stories about krispy kreme. Here’s a few literary stand outs:

• Krispy Kreme losing its glaze
  International Herald Tribune, France
• Krispy Kreme watches its sweet run turn sour
  Chicago Tribune, IL
• Investors blast holes in Krispy Kreme stock
  Houston Chronicle, TX
• Souring profit fries Krispy Kreme
  Sun-Sentinal.com, FL
• A hole in Krispy Kreme’s earnings
  CNN International
• Krispy-Kreme is Getting Harder to Stomach
  TheStreet.com, NY
• Krispy Kreme Earnings Not So Sweet
  9NEWS.com, CO
• SEC Inquiry Weighs On Krispy Kreme
  Forbes, NT
• Krispy Kreme in new sticky mess
  BBC News, UK
• Krispy Kreme has $3m hole
  Telegraph.co.uk

You can’t beat the UK press on headlines and triple entendres, although I’m sure there’s more plays on the doughnut theme waiting in the wings.

Finally, what made my week, and I apologise for the quite verbose preamble just to get to this gag, was when I stumbled across the web advertisement pictured here. And I can’t help but quote:

Telstra IP is helping Krispy Kreme make dough

I love you guys! Where do I sign my company up?

I recently wrote to Vodafone about my new Vodafone branded Sony Ericsson k700i, which Vodafone have disabled a number of features on, including preventing the use of downloaded MP3 files as ringtones, forcing you to pay to download only their MP3 ringtones, and ignoring the fact that as a musician I actually own music or sound effects that I’ve written or recorded, and should be able to use them on my phone. If I hadn’t bought the Vodafone branded version, I wouldn’t have this DRM problem.

Please pass this on to the appropriate departments. I would suggest marketing, as well as customer service.

I have been an Australian Vodafone customer since my very first mobile phone, and I spend a fair amount of money each month on calls. My phone number is […]. My name is Richard […].

I recently purchased a Vodafone branded Sony Ericsson K700i from you, and am absolutely disgusted with not only the poorer quality software on the phone and the offensive DRM lock-in you have on MP3s, but also the attitude you’ve had towards your customers who have been complaining about these problems to you directly and in forums on the web.

I am in the technology R&D industry, and I also produce a technology based radio program. I will be actively giving Vodafone as much negative publicity as possible on this issue, as well as slamming Sony Ericsson for even entering into such a slimey licensing deal. Sony of all people who have just globally renounced DRM on all their products.

I am a great customer for you, I tend to keep phones and contracts for a long time, paying lots of money each and every month for access to your network, and I’m a bit of a maven, recommending products I use to other people, especially on the radio program. I am the sort of person who can have trickle on effects for your prospect and customer base.

However, after this debacle, I will be buying a new phone very soon, and I will be moving off Vodafone forever. The appropriate public and private recommendations will then follow.

Your response to this message is not only welcome, but I look forward to seeing whether you are able to rectify this situation for me. I have supported you for many years, perhaps it is your turn to return the favour.

Their almost form letter reply, which exhibits an exceptional yet unusual understanding of customer service, has perfectly explained to me why I should never be a customer of Vodafone ever again.

Dear Richard,

Thank you for your feedback.

We regret that you have been disappointed with your recent upgrade to the K700i.

Please note there is a software update currently available which allows the K700i to use only the pre-installed MP3’s as ringtones.

Please be advised there is another patch which we hope will be released next month, this patch is planned to allow MP3 downloads via the Vodafone Live! service. Once released, the patch will be issued to approved Sony Ericsson repairers, we recommend you contact Sony Ericsson for your nearest Service Centre contact details, they may then advise you when they have access to the patch.

Sony Ericsson may be contacted by phoning 1300 650 050, or by e-mail via their website at www.sonyericsson.com.au.

We trust this has addressed your concerns.

You trust wrong.

Lesson number one would be assigning a real person to reply to me, instead of clicking the “Standard reply #43” button on your CRM system. Lesson number two would be to listen to the Internet community, or dare I mention it, the blogosphere, where a simple Google search for vodafone k700i mp3 problem comes up with 19600 results, which at AUD$600 per phone is roughly AUD$11760000 (one and three quarter million Australian dollars, or roughly US$9,277,464) in bad will. Lesson number three would be firing the person who replied to me, or their supervisor, as all they have done is show how uncaring your company is for your customers. In this day and age of global communications and the Internet, the customer is everything.

Anyone have a good recommendation on a good camera phone and an appropriate customer caring network provider?

Sensis is an Australian search engine company. They’ve only recently come on the scene, with what seems like pretty big advertising budgets. They’re actually owned by Telstra, our half government owned telecom company, who have been trying to work out how to make money out of their stock pile of underground copper wires, and who have spent much of the last decade trying (and failing) to understand what leading edge technologies they should be investing in. Not unsurprisingly, in 2004 they’ve decided in a moment of dumb arse brilliance, that a search engine might be a good new technology to spend our tax dollars on.

Anyway, I had a referer this evening from a Sensis search come into my RSS feed as if it were a web page. Dumb. Just plain dumb.

Want some more dumb? Here’s a quick 5 minute review of their results page:

• there’s no hyperlink on result URLs
• there’s a text input field labelled “In this location:”, which makes no sense until you click on “Australia only” and find out is some free form text location field
• the aligned “Australian sites only” radio control gives the impression that it affects the location box. check the radio and enter “london” into the location field. who knows what happens, as the controls don’t reinforce or support each other
• “worldwide sites” radio control isn’t aligned to indicate it’s affiliation with “Australian sites only”, or anything really
• the sensis logo takes you to the main entry page, which apparently has this URL: http://www.sensis.com.au/siteEntry.do;jsessionid=3gbwt2ri5pmbf.server2-1. why not www.sensis.com.au? they can’t use www.sensis.com, because there’s already a U.S. based defence company called that, which makes you wonder how they decided upon the name
• there’s a strange blue curved arrow in front of search result text. i’m guessing it means “abstract”, but there’s no alt/title text, and it is bright enough to indicate that it serves some more significant purpose. oh there we go, a legend which means it is “web only”. huh?
• the “Search within your results [SEARCH]” is confusing all on one line, and doesn’t clearly indicate that this is a search refinement
• the site uses greys and other pastel colours, making it harder for people to do what they’re ultimately at the site to do: find information quickly

I was listening to 2JJJ last night, our government run national youth network (yes, I still refuse to call it Triple J, due to Barry Chapman‘s sellout), and heard yet another example of how we’re breeding a generation of youth ignoramuses who believe all the record company and branding/youth of today hype.

Anyway, I was listening ever so briefly (I promise) to Super Request with Rosie Beaton, who surprisingly knows a little bit about music pre-1991 (my era), and she was speaking with her producer on air, about tracks that various callers had asked for, particularly on the theme of treadmills.

Now the producer is the one who supposedly looks for each track and makes sure its the correct one, and I’m assuming knowledge of music to some degree would be one of the prerequisites. It was at this point she said:

And several listeners mentioned “Troo-ga-nine-knee” (laughs) or something (laughs) by Midnight Oil.

She’d certainly know Midnight Oil, all Australians do, and you may not expect her to know that Truganini is a song by Midnight Oil, but you would assume, being the lefty and informed station that it is supposed to be, that she would actually know who Truganini was.

Or do you think I’m being over judgemental because I still have a gaping wound about 2JJJ from 14 years ago?

Looks like The Lane Cover Sticker Syndicate Inc. Pty Ltd. is at it again. Here’s the sticker they left on our mailbox this week. A bit hard to see, because my camera phone’s not that good at macro shots, but you can see the amateurism and the white mark still left from the previous sticker. Bastards.

Amusingly enough, our local (coalition) member wrote to us this week, saying that if re-elected, he would contribute $10 million in federal money towards filtration of the tunnel. We’ve had signs all along our main roads for the last few years complaining about filtration, erected by the Sticker Syndicate, but this morning those signs changed to “Coalition gives $10 million to filtration, everyone else $0”. However if you got out of your car and walked up close to these signs and read the small print, you’d see that they’re actually Liberal party advertising posters posing as local community public service announcements. That’s slimey, and taking advantage of local residents. Not exactly what you’d expect from a local member, or maybe you would.

This is the same politically minded federal government who says they won’t fund hospitals because they’re a state budget issue, yet with an election looming, are suddenly able to fund a local state government filtration project. Nuts. I’d call that hypocrisy, but at least the money’s being offered.

You know it really makes you wonder what planet some people, particularly politicians, are on. This week the Australian Labor party announced that they would move towards protecting one of Australia’s great natural wonders, our old growth forests in Tasmania. No major party has ever taken this big environmental challenge, especially a party in opposition, going into an election, with the threat of forestry unions pulling out their support for your party. Yet they still had the confidence to do it. That’s a telling statistic!

The government’s best come back? “It’s just a dirty preferences deal!” Sure it is, but at least the forests will hopefully be protected. Talk about hypocrisy, that’s no different to the government sending us to Iraq on false pretences, then justifying it by saying that the dictator was bad and had to go anyway. Who cares why, so long as the benefits are realised.

In many ways, these U.S. and Australian elections are a reflection of the 21st century world in which we live. For the first time in history, the majority of people do care about protection of our natural environment, our flora and fauna, and equality for all people. And with two hopefully outgoing governments, this will be a turning point for the world, regardless of who you prefer to be in power. Kerry and Latham aren’t perfect, but they represent this definitive shift to more left wing policies and support for the lower and middle class.

This is the anti-plastic-bag generation, a generation of people who actually believe in the big supermarket scams (more on this conspiracy later) to move from plastic bags to reusable bags. A generation of people who at last believe that our flora and fauna need protecting, a generation who demand filtered and bottled water, instead of the natural water which falls from the sky. Yes folks, the world has changed, and we haven’t noticed.

The Tasmanian situation has been a political mine field for decades. You can’t protect the forests without pissing off the foresters, who are supposedly a majority large enough to swing the Tasmanian seats. But now we have a major party saying that the time has come to kiss forestry in old growth forests goodbye. Sure, it took a AUD$800M reskilling sweatner to top it off, but studies show that the forestry industry in Tasmania has been naturally declining for many years, and there is this myth that the Tasmanian electorates revolve around axe and chainsaw wielding voters, when in fact polls are showing that the majority of Tasmanians want the forests protected.

Even the official government tourist site for Tasmania, Discover Tasmania, says that their natural environment is pretty much their only attraction.

Yet the blinkered Tasmanian premier, Paul Lennon, doesn’t even understand his own state, and has come out supporting the forestry industry. Perhaps he does get it, but is faking it until the federal election fights his battle for him. Either way, he’s an ineffective patsy for industry. Paul Lennon didn’t get voted in, by the way, he got the job when the previous (and also pro-logging) premier died of cancer earlier this year.

When we see thousands of people marching against the government in the streets of our capital cities over the weekend, when the opposition party says that more money will be spent on hospitals and education (and the government doesn’t), and when they have the political confidence to stand up to the logging unions, surely this is a sign that something in this country, as well as in the U.S., is about change? Perhaps the gradual increase in media coverage has blinded us, but I have never seen so much protesting over our two governments, since at least the Vietnam war. And THAT is a telling statistic!

Our planet, and the conscience of our people has changed immeasurably over the past four years. We’ve seen the rise of anti-corporatism, anti-commercialism, and pro-conservation, the anti-plastic-bag revolution, and unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), our governments and politicians haven’t taken the slightest notice.

Yes, these U.S. and Australian elections will be a turning point for the future of our planet, and will reflect the ground swell we’ve seen over the last 5-10 years, for a philosophical change in the way governments look to and support their people. And it is about fucking time. Bring it on!

Sydney is tunnel mad at the moment. You can’t drive anywhere without bumping into a tunnel. Well, it isn’t that bad, but if you’re a politician trying to get ahead, slap a tunnel onto your platform and you’ll be in Canberra before you know it.

In our local area, there’s a big kerfuffle about a new tunnel they’re building, which will go pretty much under our suburb, and doesn’t include “in-tunnel filtration”. Here’s the official RTA page for the tunnel, and here are some activists for filtration, bicycle support and other bits and pieces, including a transcript of an ABC Stateline story covering the issue.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is that today I found a sticker stuck on my mailbox, which basically complained about filtration in the tunnel, and said that we as a community needed to do something about it.

I thought that in this modern age, that most people would have at least a basic understanding of psychology and the human psyche, and what it takes to mobilise and rally people behind a particular cause, or at least someone in such a group would. To then pick on my house, in a suburb that will not only not be adversely affected by the lack of filtration, but will actually have improved local traffic conditions due to the tunnel, and stick an ugly yellow permanent sticker on my mailbox saying such, is probably not the most ideal way to garner support for your activist group.

I tried scraping off the ugly yellow sticker, and the damn thing won’t come off. It left an even more ugly white square where the yellow used to be. Fuck filtration, I want the testicles of the streetwalker who vandalised my mailbox! After all, it could only have been a male.

So while we were going to start getting involved in the local community campaigning against the lack of filtration, we’re now reconsidering whether we really want to be involved with such muddle headed fools.

I’ve spoken a little about community groups in the past (Trust me, I’m not a psychologist and Community groups — a flawed operational model?), and the key thing, above all else, is identifying the skilled and passionate individuals, and empowering them with the authority and resources to enact the missions of the group.

A mistargeted campaign of sticker vandalism against your main prospect base I’d probably regard as a dumb arse backyard job, certainly by someone without the necessary skills or understanding, and whose knowledge of the issues is most likely flawed as well. Makes you question the activist sites mentioned above, doesn’t it?

Fortunately my green lefty socialist leanings mean I’ll still fight the issue, but I think you get my point.

I don’t want to sound like I’m picking on Canberra at all, but I just happen to be spending a bit of time there in recent months, so it tends to be a big source of material.

This time it is back to cabs/taxis. Standing at the airport taxi rant, I’m asked if I mind someone else sharing.

Official cab rant guy: Would you mind sharing with someone else?

RBF: Not at all. So long as they get out at the same place I do.

I had an amusing, if not frustrating situation about 15 years ago when getting a cab back from Sydney airport. I was in the cab, and had some woman pushed in beside me by the official cab rank guy. I didn’t know the law, and she said she’d split the $50 fare, so who was I to complain? 10pm at night after a week away, I was just happy to get home.

That was of course until the cabby decided that she’d be the best to drop off first, then when we pulled into her street it must have have been about ten suburbs away from where I lived, and then the damn cabby gets pulled over by the police half way to my place, and I’m told that the cab was unregistered and wasn’t going anywhere. Another cab and another fare later, and I swore never to share a cab again.

Anyway, back to Canberra airport earlier this week. Although the company pays, I try to do my part to ease the load. 50% of the fare I figured would be a good saving, even though I’d have a stranger to deal with for the subsequent 15 minute cab ride.

Then as we get close to our stop, the following exchange happens:

Cabby: So are you both familiar with the new taxi sharing rules?

RBF: Err, no.

Silent stranger: No.

Cabby: Between 8am and 10am, we have ten times more passengers than taxis, so we have a new system to help people who find it hard to get a cab.

RBF: Uhuh. [ pause ] And what’s that then?

Cabby: Well, we now have a new rate, rate 3, the sharing rate. Rate 3 is 70% of the standard rate, so the trip costs less, but you both pay the amount on the meter. That way I get more, you pay less, and everyone is happy.

RBF: Happy that our discount has gone from 50% to 30% off the standard rate?

Cabby: No, you only end up paying 70% of the standard fare. It’s all up there on the sticker. [ he points to yet another sticker on the windscreen which seemly explains the cab share process ]

RBF: So let me get this straight, for the privilege of sharing a cab with a complete stranger, arguably the reason why I would probably have caught a bus instead if it didn’t frustrate me too much, I can pay an additional 40% more than I would have had I used the old sharing system, and not had the added emotional weight of knowing that you’re also getting 40% more out of the ride than you would for a single passenger. Sounds like a bloody rip off to me, as me and Mr. silent here are now in a lose lose situation.

Cabby: Are you from Sydney?

Anyway, silent stranger guy didn’t get out at the same place as I did, so the official cab rank guy is now the official cab rank bastard guy, and that’s probably the last cab I’ll share for a while.

I love the power of language, particularly how we’re able to sculpt and mould it in ways that strongly effect people’s opinions and emotions. Taking a negative and turning it into a positive, is probably the most commonly attempted deception, if I can call it that, but is also usually the most poorly executed.

Our wonderful channel 7 Olympic Cycling commentators are a great example of this. Who on earth would even think of trying to use Australia’s recent dominance in cycling as the proof that we’re not a bunch of drug addicts? Yet I’ve heard at least four commentators all say something similiar to:

Let the doubters be proven wrong.

…or…

Australia’s cyclists have redeemed themselves.

In one case, they obviously figured it best to instead let one of our gold medal winning cyclists continue this quite deluded logic:

Commentator: So what do you say to all those pepole who doubted this team?

Cyclist: Mate, it just shows you, we’re clean, and it doesn’t get any better than this!

What? Was logic just chucked into the ol’ sharps bucket with all those vitamin syringes? And what’s with that anyway? If someone asked me if I wanted a vitamin C shot, more likely I’d just stick with the tablets thanks.

I’m not saying that our cyclists are all doped up to the eyeballs, because like any sport, we can’t detect every drug, and we don’t really know who is using what. Sure, I was one who said bring them all home, but maybe just perhaps, by slaughtering all comers, they’ve finally redeemed themselves? Nuts.

This week is going to be a bit of an Olympics week at our place, much to my flat mate’s chagrin, so excuse me if the focus is a bit sporty for the next few weeks.

One of the annoying things about the opening ceremony, was Bruce McAvaney’s continued use of the phrase “under a cloud” when referring to the careers of athletes currently under investigation for doping. If you’re not in Sydney, then I’m sure you have your own Bruce McAvaney, and most likely your own network’s family friendly version of the phrase “fucked, for cheating”.

The IOC are so strong on doping, that current chairman Jacques Rogge even spent around 20 seconds of his speech on it during the 13 or so hours that was the opening ceremony.

Instead of trying to not mention drugs, our commentators should be making a point of it, particularly for our young sporting kids coming up through the ranks. It is bad enough that drugs are banned, giving them a good marketing boost amongst youngsters, but then not making any reference to them in the actual arena that we’re supposed to be protecting from abuse, is just plain irresponsible.

If it is good enough for Jacques, then why can’t Bruce be a little more open about it? How about saying something like this instead?

The U.S. team of course without sprinter Torri Edwards, whose career is currently under a cloud in tatters because she’s a fucking drug cheat who is bad for the sport, a bad influence on kids coming up through the ranks, and a second rate runner who doesn’t deserve a place at the world’s ultimate sporting table.

Or perhaps something along those lines. The message would then start to sink in a little I reckon.

In fact doping seems to be so rife, well, not that it ever wasn’t, just that we’re now much more aware of it, that there’s even a drug cheats related blog, unofficial of course.

And why do they insist on calling it by the medical term doping? Trying to dumb it down perhaps? Why not call it drugging, taking steroids or of course the ever obvious cheating by shooting up illegal drugs.

And as for the drugs themselves, surely the history of drug use would be enough to turn some folks off, if only it was mentioned in the media. This page on MedicineNet gives a good history of drugs in sport, covering of all things the ancient athletic practice of eating sheeps’ testicles and mixing wine and strychnine. Yum.

The Olympic charter, like most things these days, is online for your reading pleasure, so there’s really no excuse for this kind of behaviour. I particularly like this IOC summary:

According to the Olympic Charter, established by Pierre de Coubertin, the goal of the Olympic Movement is to contribute to building a peaceful and better world by educating youth through sport practised without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play.

It is just the atheletes who are yet to actually get it, so perhaps the term under a cloud is quite appropriate after all.