RSS feedYou should all know about MovieLens, the sight that makes film recommendations for you, based on collaborative filtering. It did the rounds of the web a few years back, and I regularly use it as a double check on films I should probably see. In about 95% of cases (yep, 19 out of 20), it is pretty dead on. If you’ve not used it, check it out.
So today I decided to see one of the top recommendations for me. Amongst the first 10 films in the list, most of which were foreign or arthouse films, out jumped Ocean’s Twelve, showing at the local, and at the end of it’s run so I was expecting a nice empty cinema. Well done MovieLens, you just made 1 out of 20, and Hoyts, you’re next on my list.
I admit it, I enjoyed Ocean’s Eleven, and Steven Soderbergh is one of my favourite hollywood directors, with Sex, Lies, and Videotape being one of my favourite films of all time, and him probably one of the few people who could possibly remake Solaris and make it different yet just as good as the original.
However, after the first 15 minutes of Ocean’s Twelve, it is obvious that there’s no real story here, just a linear and very obvious narrative, with no real twists or turns, no even remotely interesting heist, a bunch of wasted movie business in-jokes, and a final 10 minutes that attempts to reframe the entire narrative, effectively sticking two fingers up to an up to this point faithful audience, who just sat through 115 minutes of padding, waiting for the twist.
The Sixth Sense this aint, and you’ve got to ask whether writer George Nolfi actually understands the difference. With Ocean’s Twelve, the wrong story is more believable and understandable than the 10 minute correction at the end, if of course you can see past all the glitches and physical impossibilities. Moving LASER alarms? Get outa here. But then what would you expect from a writer whose only other public credit seems to be the co-writing, and subsequent ruining, of the screenplay of the Michael Crichton novel Timeline.
Product placement, flawed story, impossible physics, incorrect technical details, bad acting, and patronising the audience. Enough of Ocean’s Twelve, I could go on all day but it still wouldn’t get my AUD$14.50 and the 125 minutes of my life back. Which brings me to Hoyts.
Now on to their fourth generation web site, and still failing miserably to understand even the basics of user interface design, you’ve got to wonder whether being under the MSN banner is any better than the previous sites built in-house. Marginally.
So I wait in line outside the cinema, due to “cleaning” apparently, and when we are finally let in 15 minutes late, there’s still stray bits of popcorn and lolly wrappers over most of the seats. Luckily enough, most of the sheep tended to sit up the back as per usual, which meant I had a choice of about three different clean seats in the centre. It makes you wonder why cinema’s bother installing surround sound and the movie studios bother spending so much time on the production and the technology, when most people just sit behind the back speakers anyway. No matter, better seats for me I guess.
Finally we get to the end of this laborious film, the sheep all file out when the very first line of credit comes up, and then the lights come on. Hello? Then Cecilia and Tim enter the theatre with their trusty brooms and buckets, intending most likely to repeat the most excellent job they did last time. But do they apologise and turn the lights back off? Of course not. I’m not saying that everyone should stay for the credits, but I could give a dozen good reasons why people may wish to see them, and it makes me wonder why these ignoramuses have never asked themselves why hollywood even bothers spending money to put them there.
Welcome yet again to the dumbing down of society. While the information and personal publishing revolution is about it explode into the mainstream, it is good to see that hollywood still fails to understand that we are intelligent beings who deserve better. Copy their films for all I care, maybe it will help them get a clue.
On the other hand, a few weeks ago I was lucky enough to see the amazing A Very Long Engagement, by the fabulous Jean-Pierre Jeunet, and the experience was better by a degree of magnitude. Clean seats, good focus, courteous and intelligent staff (The Cremorne Orpheum), great story, twists and turns, clever deceptions, and believable characters. Upon checking with MovieLens… Ahh that’s better, 4.5 almost dead on. 18 more films to look forward to…