In celebration of the fact that we’re about to head into day 11 without an Internet connection, the fact that we’re rapidly approaching the “up to 12 days, but usually much less” that I was told it would take to transfer, and in a feeble attempt to generate good luck even though it is well and truly outside the bounds of my belief structure, I give to you, The Twelve Days of Telstra.
28/6 – On the first day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
29/6 – On the second day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, two empty sockets, and a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
30/6 – On the third day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, three bad connections, two empty sockets, and a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
1/7 – On the fourth day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, four strands of copper, three bad connections, two empty sockets, and a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
2/7 – On the fifth day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, the — fucking shits. Four strands of copper, three bad connections, two empty sockets, and a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
3/7 – On the sixth day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, six Telstra techos, and the — fucking shits. Four strands of copper, three bad connections, two empty sockets, and a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
4/7 – On the seventh day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, seven dumb excuses, six Telstra techos, and the — fucking shits. Four strands of copper, three bad connections, two empty sockets, and a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
5/7 – On the eighth day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, eight certified handsets, seven dumb excuses, six Telstra techos, and the — fucking shits. Four strands of copper, three bad connections, two empty sockets, and a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
6/7 – On the ninth day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, a motive for my sabotage, eight certified handsets, seven dumb excuses, six Telstra techos, and the — fucking shits. Four strands of copper, three bad connections, two empty sockets, and a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
7/7 – On the tenth day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, ten reasons to get Optus, a motive for my sabotage, eight certified handsets, seven dumb excuses, six Telstra techos, and the — fucking shits. Four strands of copper, three bad connections, two empty sockets, and a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
8/7 – On the eleventh day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, eleven minutes of dial up, ten reasons to get Optus, a motive for my sabotage, eight certified handsets, seven dumb excuses, six Telstra techos, and the — fucking shits. Four strands of copper, three bad connections, two empty sockets, and a whopping transfer of ADSL fee.
9/7 – On the twelth day without Internet, Telstra gave to me, A, D, S L.
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